Spiderman – Turn Off The Dark, or just turn it off, please!!!!

Oh, my.  Where do I begin?  Let’s start with lunch!  It was AWESOME!!  We were guests at the Brooklyn Diner and it was fabulous.  We began with smoked salmon and fresh, ripe fruit to begin.  Accompanying this was Champagne and Bloody Mary’s and it just kept getting better.  I had a lobster roll and fries.  Not my lobster salad (the winner of all time) but still delish.  Gracie had pancakes and bacon, Laurence had mac and cheese and Larry had their cheeseburger with super skinny onion rings.  All really, really good.  To take gluttony to the max, we had mini hot fudge sundaes for dessert.  Oh.  My.  God.  We all kind of felt sick after this.  It’s 7:15 now and no one has asked for dinner.  We ate at noon.  ‘Nuff said?  I am going to force myself to have a little something later because tomorrow is my prep day for the colonoscopy on Monday.  But I digress.

Spiderman?  In two words:  HOT MESS.  Oh, how I hated this show!  I will say that the sets were fantastic.  Very imaginative, creative and technically amazing.  The flying was also incredible.  Really like nothing we’ve ever seen.  The actors were over our heads, flying up to the mezzanine and landing there, landing in the aisles…..really breathtaking.  But that still leaves the actual play, right?  Hmmmm.  The story was….well….I’d like to tell you what it was about.  I don’t think I can because I don’t know what it was really about.  I’m not sure that Julie Taymor really knows.  Does she have ADD?  Or a drug problem? She made Across the Universe (which I also hated).   The show begins with an awful, mean song about “bullying by numbers”.  It’s upsetting and there is NO resolution here.  This is followed by Peter Parker and his love interest, Mary Jane, going home to their respective houses where each is miserable.  Peter is not understood by his aunt and uncle and Mary Jane is abused by her alcoholic father.  Nice.  Grace and Laurence – do you like this????  OMG.  There are 4 or 5 different points to the story and none of them ever really connect to each other.  The dialogue was mostly annoying.  In serious moments it was stilted and unnatural.  The acting?  What acting?  Was the cast drawn from high school students?  She tried to create a rhythm in the dialogue and it never worked.  The music?  Oh my good God, please don’t ever let Bono and the Edge write music for a broadway show ever again, mkay?  Please?  Not only was the music horrible for a broadway show, it was just horrible.  It screamed U2, but not in a good way.  U2 is one of my favorite bands of all time and this left me cold, rolling my eyes and spending 90% of Act I with my fingers in my ears because the music was so bad and so very, very loud.  It made me think that Bono and Edge are getting really lazy and/or so self involved they don’t know when they’re writing good music anymore.  The lyrics were equally annoying as in simple and not good besides being hard to hear/understand.   Our host was USA Weekend newspaper.  The gal who invited Larry sat next to us with her husband and two kids.  Her husband and son left at intermission and went to Dave & Buster’s because her son couldn’t take the volume….. okay?  As soon as Act I ended, my daughter looked at me and said, “Mommy, this is SO depressing!!!”.  Can’t say I blame her.  The up side is that we got a fantastic freebie in NYC for the day.  Great brunch, lots of laughs and we saw a Broadway show.  I’m glad we saw it.  It’s like 15 degrees out and we would have just sat home anyway.  I’m SUPER happy I didn’t pay for it…. our seats went for $100 each.  The biggest surprise of the day, however, came at the end of the show when the majority of folks in the orchestra seats gave a standing ovation……?  Really?  My last thought:  $65 MILLION dollars on this? Really?

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One Response to “Spiderman – Turn Off The Dark, or just turn it off, please!!!!”

  1. First rule of literature: Have a good story.

    It doesn’t matter how good the language is (or, in a play, the production) if the story blows, it ain’t worth it.

    Glad the lunch was good, though.

    Cheers.

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